Back In Malawi

“Such is life in Malawi”

Very sorry I haven’t updated in a few days…I know that some of you have already heard about the difficult week we have had, and I have really struggled with what to say and what not to say in this post over the past couple of days. But, I do want my friends and family to be aware of what is happening and how to be in prayer. This post is my journal entry from Monday evening.

(Monday, June 28) “I am struggling to find the strength to even write tonight. Today was one of the hardest days, not just of this trip, but also in my life up to this point. I woke up early this morning to what I thought was my alarm ringing. When I looked closer at my phone, it was Bruce calling. I did my best to wake my brain up in order to answer, and when I did, he told me that he was standing outside. I quickly found the keys to start unlocking my way to the front door. When I opened it, I immediately knew that something was very wrong. I went to him and asked what had happened and he then reported the most awful news. He could hardly speak. He explained that Gertrude had been taken back into the theatre room for surgery sometime around 12:30 a.m. last night to deliver the baby by c-section, but he did not survive. My heart felt like it had collapsed. Cindy heard the commotion and came out to where we were in the yard. Bruce was unable to tell the story again and asked if I would deliver the news. (We have now learned that the nursing staff at the district hospital did not tend to her in time. She was in labor too long, which caused distress to the baby. He was born breathing, but with much trouble, possibly due to Meconium asphyxia. He went to be with the Lord shortly after.)

My memory of this day is already blurry and mushed together. My mind and heart have been going at such a crazy speed all day that I find it almost impossible to reflect on what has happened. I am still in shock…At this point, we came inside, Cindy and I changed, and then we headed to the hospital. It is customary in Malawi, that if you experience the death of a baby, you must return it to the village for a proper burial as soon as possible. Gertrude was very groggy from medication, but we spoke to her for a brief time before gathering her mother, grandmother, and aunt into the car to transport that sweet baby back to Madzanje (our village). Getting in and out of the car, I had to hold him so that the older ladies could climb in/out. It was an indescribable feeling. Absolutely crushing to know I was holding a lifeless baby that was so precious to all of us already, but through God’s grace my heart found peace at that moment knowing that he was being held in the arms of our Savior.

After arriving in the village of Gertrude’s family, we started trying to understand what would happen next, culturally. The baby is buried as soon as the father’s family arrives. We took Gertrude’s mom and her best friend Evelyn back to the hospital to see her while we changed our clothes and got ready for the funeral. When we arrived back, once again to the village, the baby was being prepared. Only the elders in the family are allowed to see the child before burial, so we waited outside for the procession to start. In this culture, after the death of a baby, only the women travel to the burial cite for the funeral. So when it was time, we tearfully made our way down a path that led to a tiny graveyard in the woods. We sat on the ground for a while, after one of our ladies said an opening prayer. Afterwards, the women began clearing an area and digging the tiny little grave. Cindy was able to read from Psalm 121 and she did a great job communicating to these women about where we can find our help. After the grave was ready, they summoned Cindy and I to come closer. We were confused. Our translator then explained that the elders wanted us to be able to see the baby’s face. This is a huge honor here, one that I wasn’t sure I wanted to receive. Before, when I held him, he was covered. To see his precious face was… I’m running out of adequate words. He was so sweet and looked just perfect…the greatest combination of his mom and dad. That image will never ever leave my mind. After they finished the burial, we walked back to the family household where the men were. I will never forget it. It was such a helpless feeling. It was the hardest thing, to leave B mourning like he was.

We are now just sort of numb. We are on edge, knowing the risk of infection or clot or other complication for G, considering the conditions of this hospital. We need prayer for discernment and wise decision making from here on out. We have just returned from visiting them at the hospital. She was talking more and seemed to be doing alright, considering all that she has been through physically and emotionally today.

I can’t describe to you how this affected my heart. I love this couple so much. I cannot remember, truthfully, the last time that I have felt this way, if ever. There is an overwhelming sense of responsibility on all of us… like we could have or should have done something. The negligence of the nursing staff along with the poor conditions of this hospital is something far greater than frustrating.“

BUT…The Lord is still good.

Today (Wednesday), it has been three days. There have been really hard times, but we have also found strength in the Lord, no doubt. Gertrude seems to be improving despite the carelessness and laziness of most of the nurses in the ward. We discovered that her incision had not been examined since the closing of the surgery on Sunday. Bruce made a comment today, as we were discussing these things that broke my heart… he said, “Such is life in Malawi.” How sad? It shouldn’t be this way. (Anyone feel a calling to medical missions in Malawi?) We were, once again, faced with anger towards these people. I know anger isn’t the right thing to say or feel, but it’s the truth. So many little things are constantly overlooked; it is almost unbearable. Despite their negligence, our Lord has been taking care of her. Her blood pressure was good, she only had a bit of fever, and her incision was actually looking pretty good. She was able to take a few steps today and even sat up in her bed for a bit. Thank-you Jehovah Rapha. Both of their spirits were up; their strength is unbelievable. Thank-you to all of you who have been in prayer over this tragedy. We appreciate it and so do Bruce and Gertrude. PLEASE continue. We gave them a big list of many prayers and loving support from America today. Gertrude wanted me to say thank-you very much to you all.

Bruce asked me to take this picture in the hospital yesterday. It breaks my heart. Please continue to pray for our sweet Gertrude, as well as Bruce.